Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I need water and some morals
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