4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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