We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
