Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
