Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
