Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
