If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I could make wine with my vomit
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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