Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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