new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
