the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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