Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
