He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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