Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
