i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i dont even know how to be here
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
