Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
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