nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
