yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
