Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
where am i from again
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
