I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
