I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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