Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
