it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
