She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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