It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
