You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
