Banned from zoo.
Again?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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