You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?