Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.