your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
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you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
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She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing