Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother