No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
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I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
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My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?