we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".