We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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