hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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