i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
