no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Sext me about skeletons
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
