he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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