Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I am available for nakedness
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize