omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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