New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
