drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
