The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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