if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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