we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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