He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
false alarm. still invincible.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
