Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
