Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
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I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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