I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
