Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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