my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
