i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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