He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
