we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
