I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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