and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
