in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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