My liver just broke up with me...
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
