sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
