You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
