I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
