Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
