I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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