try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
