I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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