I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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