I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
