I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
