The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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