What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
