Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize