you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
