He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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