Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
