very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
